I wish I could say today was better. But it wasn’t. It so wasn’t.

The day started off well. I thought I would dress up, go to college, enjoy International Day and not worry about anything else. And it all went as expected until I saw him again, looking down at me from where he was standing on the first floor. There was no hint of a smile or even remote recognition. I felt bad. But I pushed it at the back of my mind like I always do.

Needless to say I couldn’t really focus in class after that. The rest of the day was what you would call sucky. Turns out he wasn't single like he led me to believe. I guess in a way I'm glad I got to know before things got out of hand.

But that doesn't mean I don't feel like I've been betrayed. I don’t know how I should be reacting. The pain is back, so is the feeling of breathlessness. Simply looking at him hurts. And this is not the first time this is happening.

He’s like this constant buzz in my life, the more I try and push him out of my life the more he tries to push his way back in. Every time I try and move on, I find that I can’t. Because he is always there. It’s always been him for me.

At one point in time there was someone else but that was also a case of unrequited love. And this thing with him leaves me on unbalanced grounds all the time.

I know going on and on and on about a boy may make me sound pretentious and vain and self-centred and boy crazy but I don’t really care. If it does, let it. I have far more important things to worry about.

Now I look forward to going to India in 2 weeks. I need to get away from Dubai to a place where I won’t have my BlackBerry or my laptop or any access to Facebook or the internet in general.

I just realized I’ve been blogging here constantly for 3 days now. I’m not glad this crap happened but I guess this is the silver lining in my dark cloud, it got me to start writing again.

More tomorrow.
Tata
Nupur
xx

All day long I’ve been battling with what to say, what to think and who to share this with. In the end nothing worked out and here I am writing. Again.

My life is what you would call a complex myriad of emotions right now. Simply put I’m in love and the feelings are not reciprocated. Let me tell you it is NOT easy being in love with someone who has no idea what you’re going through and incidentally happens to be one of your best friends.

Today was this big ass submission for me and the Business students had some essay due as well. Now those people are dumb, like really dumb sometimes. My certain someone is one of those people who cannot reference an essay to save his life.

He asked me for help. It’s a little hard to say no don’t you think. So I left my work for later and went about helping him (along with my other friends) out. Needless to say the whole incident went kinda shitty. I couldn’t help but stare at him the whole time I was helping him or doing my own work.

I think it’s the eyes. They’ve always held my attention. It’s not my fault. They’re hazel green in colour, and they’re not contacts. All day long wherever I went, whenever I shut my eyes to turn off my brain and rest it all I could see were those eyes.

I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep tonight because of this very reason. In the evening I went for a movie thinking it would distract me and it did. Sort of. I think I’m losing my mind, very slowly. Since I got home from an ‘awesome’ study session in the library, not only are the eyes haunting me but I’m feeling overwhelmed. Like I can’t breathe. Like my throat is closing up. I even felt this weird pain near my heart.

Like I said, losing my mind.

And the worse part, how do I tell anyone any of this without sounding like some psychotic person who needs a shrink. So I decided to blog. No judgements right?

Well I think I should go. Maybe at least try and take my mind off him. We’ll see how that goes.

Tata

Nupur

xx

So it's been a couple of months since I posted anything here. Feels weird and normal at the same time, dunno maybe it's just me.
This is basically just me rambling on and on about my life. Some stuff has been going wrong recently. I feel conflicted ALL the time!

Sometimes I feel like I want to punch this one person in particular but the next minute he does something so adorable and cute that it makes me want to hug him. He'll act like a perv one minute and the next minute he'll call me up and tell me to look out my window because apparently 'the skyline looks beautiful just like you'. How do you even react to that??!! So I did whar any normal girl would do, I ran to the window, looked out and squealed into my pillow like some floozy in high school. No offense to the high school students of course!

Do you blame me for being so confused all the time? Add the stress of submissions and essays and Dubai Film Festival and the impending trip to India and any other person would have snapped much sooner!

I guess I do feel a bit better now, venting always helps !

Should get back to my essay now

Tata
Nupur
xx