All day long I’ve been battling with what to say, what to think and who to share this with. In the end nothing worked out and here I am writing. Again.

My life is what you would call a complex myriad of emotions right now. Simply put I’m in love and the feelings are not reciprocated. Let me tell you it is NOT easy being in love with someone who has no idea what you’re going through and incidentally happens to be one of your best friends.

Today was this big ass submission for me and the Business students had some essay due as well. Now those people are dumb, like really dumb sometimes. My certain someone is one of those people who cannot reference an essay to save his life.

He asked me for help. It’s a little hard to say no don’t you think. So I left my work for later and went about helping him (along with my other friends) out. Needless to say the whole incident went kinda shitty. I couldn’t help but stare at him the whole time I was helping him or doing my own work.

I think it’s the eyes. They’ve always held my attention. It’s not my fault. They’re hazel green in colour, and they’re not contacts. All day long wherever I went, whenever I shut my eyes to turn off my brain and rest it all I could see were those eyes.

I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep tonight because of this very reason. In the evening I went for a movie thinking it would distract me and it did. Sort of. I think I’m losing my mind, very slowly. Since I got home from an ‘awesome’ study session in the library, not only are the eyes haunting me but I’m feeling overwhelmed. Like I can’t breathe. Like my throat is closing up. I even felt this weird pain near my heart.

Like I said, losing my mind.

And the worse part, how do I tell anyone any of this without sounding like some psychotic person who needs a shrink. So I decided to blog. No judgements right?

Well I think I should go. Maybe at least try and take my mind off him. We’ll see how that goes.

Tata

Nupur

xx