I feel like the biggest idiot on this planet some days... wait scratch that.. that's what I feel everyday single day!

I do things I shouldn't, fall for people who I know are way beyond my league or as the trend with me is.. fall for a douchebag, say I have no expectations but still harbour a little hope somewhere deep inside of me and then when the time comes and reality sets in I once again end up with a broken hurt and a string of curses and a voice in my head chiding me for having gotten my hopes up even by 0.1 % in the first place.

But in my defense, I'm only human. Everyone makes mistakes. But most people learn from their mistakes. I don't. I repeat them over and over again untill the dam of bearing any amount of crap breaks and the emotions come tumbling out in form of tears, misplaced anger and general snappiness.

Currently that is my emotional part, complete with tears and the theatrics. I will be the first to admit that I am a HUGE drama queen and that I thrive on the drama solely because I create it. But some things even I can't fake. And that is heartbreak.

I can however fake happiness. I do it all the time. Every single day in fact. I take no pride in this fact because I know by saying this I don't come across as the most cheerful or sane person. But trust me, I am cheerful when I want to be. People call me 'happy go lucky'.

The people who really know me, know that I AM happy go lucky and bubbly and vivacious and every other word under the sun related to that, but I also need my space. When I'm hurt, I will never show it. I'll probably never tell you that I have issues. I'll be happy on the outside.

But the trick with me is to look underneath the surface and layers of defensive walls. Most people don't bother, they accepy my personality at face value.

I just realized I have no idea what I went on and on about. Guess I should stop.

Later

Tata
Nupur
xx