The name of the blog seems a little off now considering I turned 19 one week back. But I don't care.

It's fine. It's just a place for me to vent in any case. Simply put, I am tired.

I am tired of feeling this way. I am tired of being unable to breathe. I am tired of being haunted by the same thoughts again and again. I am tired of the fact that a single song, a few words, a story, a scene in a TV show, a fan fiction can make me cry.

I am tired of being depressed all the time. I am tired of fighting with people and pushing them out. I am tired of realizing that no one wants to push back in. I am tired of knowing that the walls I created around myself are still strong as ever because no one is willing to look past them.

I am tired of worrying about what I eat (because let's face it... chocolate helps depression). I am tired of crying all the time. I am tired of being unable to sleep at night. I am tired of waking up from the few hours of sleep I get only to find my cheeks wet and my breathing labored.

I am tired of lying about the fact that the puffiness in the eyes is due to lack of sleep and not because of anything else. I am tired that no one realizes I am lying. I am tired of people not noticing. I am tired of my own mum not noticing the hell I've been going through.

I'm tired of putting up with my friends tantrums because of some cancelled plans. I am tired of being overlooked and being taken for granted. I am tired of people thinking I am strong enough to handle my problems. I am tired of feeling that just because I can take care of myself doesn't mean I should have to.

I'm tired.

As always, this has gone on for too long.

Take care

Nupur
xx